how she came to be

"All  I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's really hard to put into words how much love, persistence, frustration, pain, selflessness, and joy that surrounds bringing a new baby into a family.  I am once again reverenced by the entire process and am thoroughly enjoying the reward of snuggling Vera as much as humanly possible.

The pregnancy wasn't easy.  Morning sickness from week 5 to week 23.  I still had waves of nausea even until the week she was born.  The heat of the summer sucked out what little energy that I did have in the 2nd trimester.  Low blood platelets and an unusual form of anemia were detected and explained the extreme fatigue.  It was hard.  Third trimester came and the stretch marks grew exponentially and messed with my head.  My skin hurt.  My belly measured small and the baby measured small according to a 3rd trimester ultrasound and my due date was recalculated.  That's depressing.  My blood levels continued to drop and so our plans of delivering at the birthing center were changed.  The hospital that we would have to go to made us nervous, so we pursued other options including changing caregivers with only a few weeks left in the pregnancy.  It was all very stressful for an emotional pregnant lady.  Miraculously and without a known cause, my blood levels rose just above the cut off just in time to be officially cleared for the birthing center.  We were relieved.  We were also thrilled when my belly started measuring on track with the original due date.  But, the original due date came and went.  I wasn't too surprised, but certainly thought I wouldn't make it to the adjusted due date.  The wait is so hard.  The 2nd due date was Nov 29th, the day of Ryan's last portion of boards.  We knew that I couldn't have the baby that day.

November 29th came.  I wished Ryan good luck on his exam and promised him that I wouldn't have the baby without him.  I headed to an appointment with my midwife.  She was once again shocked at how low the baby was and how deep she was in me.  I actually measured 36 weeks because the baby was so low.  We decided that it wouldn't be a bad thing for her to check me (she usually holds off until absolutely necessary) and since I was late, she stripped my membranes.  She proceeded to tell me that she was pretty sure that the baby hadn't come yet because the baby was posterior and may need a little nudge to start the process.  So, if stripping my membranes doesn't trigger anything in the next day or so, I was to come back in tomorrow and the next day to repeat.  I went home relieved to know that I wouldn't be pregnant forever.

At 3pm I began feeling mild contractions.  They barely hurt.  I wasn't convinced it was labor because it seemed way too soon for the effects of the membrane stripping to occur.  Every 15 minutes the contractions came.  Then every 10 minutes.  They started to hurt a bit more.  I started to think that maybe tonight was the night.  I was anxious for Ryan to get home.  At almost 6 pm Ryan walked in the door exhausted from the all day exam and I tell him that I think it's the day.  He kinda didn't believe me and we laughed.  We started writing down the contractions and they rapidly went from 10 minutes apart and pretty mild to much stronger and 4 minutes apart.  Nothing between 10 min and 4 min.  Pretty big jump.  Then they quickly went to 3 minutes apart and hard to talk through.  That's when we called the midwife.  She had us wait out another hour at home, but we were admitted to the birthing center at 10pm.  Surprisingly, I was only a 4 after all that hard work at home.  And, it seemed like once we arrived, things started to slow down.  The midwife had me up on my feet to help things along.  The pain of the contractions went through my belly and down the front of my legs.  I couldn't stop shaking and my legs got really tired, so I went to rest on the bed for a minute.  It was like 5 seconds after laying down, it hit me.  I was transitioning.  Transition is the craziest most human experience, at least to me.  If you fight it, it is miserable.  If you let go and surrender all control it can turn into a sacred time where you are carried by forces beyond your own.  There was no break between contractions.  I had lost all sense of time.  My water broke and the midwife monitored the baby's heart rate and checked me.  I knew it was time with the crazy urge to push.  I pushed maybe 5 times and then the midwife calmly told me she needed to snip me on the next contraction.  (The cord was wrapped around her neck and with each push the baby's heart rate dropped.)  Two pushes later the entire baby girl came out all at once.  At 11:40 pm, 8 lb Vera Louise entered the world.  The midwife laid her on my chest.  I was happy to see the baby, but the contractions were still strong.  Apparently I was pretty distracted, because the baby wasn't crying or breathing and I didn't notice.  Scary.  Quickly the midwife got the baby's airways cleared out and she began crying.   Finally my contractions slowed with the delivery of the placenta.  The midwife had called for her nurse to come during transition, but it was so fast that the nurse arrived way after the baby was born.   I held our big little baby and enjoyed the bliss that a brand new baby brings.  We marveled at how similar she looked to Cora, smashed nose and all.  But we also smiled at the differences.  She was beautiful.  How could we be so lucky?

I had a difficult time getting stabilized after the delivery.  Not entirely sure why, other than it was a fast and intense labor.  I did pass out in the bathroom and had to be carried to the bed.  I finally did stabilize with the help of 2 bags of iv fluids and was release to go home a little past 5 am.  Crazy huh?  When Ryan and I were driving home, it felt all so surreal.  Were we really allowed to take this 5 hr old baby home?  It was weird.  We got home and my mom told me that Cora had woken up every 2 hours because she was so excited.  Cora was actually awake in her room when we arrived, so we thought it wouldn't hurt to show her new baby Vera.  It was a special moment for our family.  Cora was thrilled and so sweet to her.  We all tried to sleep, but it was pretty hard after all that excitement.  After all, Ryan took his very last test of his professional degree AND we had a new baby all in one day.

Nov 20, megan 40 weeks and cora with her 'wounded wing'

40+ weeks, last pregnant photo